OUGC vs Minchinhampton
A sad fall from grace for the Hon. Secretary. After avoiding a zero point weekend for an unimpressive number of weekends this term, he finds himself licking his wounds after some scintillating performances from the Minchinhampton and Leatherjackets members. Herein lies the match report to repent for such sins.
Moritz ‘Swinging’ Diekgraef, a recent call up for the Blues off the back of some strong performances for the divots. Our glorious leader Anton Persson was expecting big things.
Karan Bali - punishment for double socking to play golf.
Henry Howard-Jenkins - sources suggest he took a full weekend off to contemplate the trolley problem and how it could be resolved.
Gustaf Behmer - fingers.
Quote of the weekend:
'I just don't believe you can drink calories'
Saturday 25th November saw OUGC return to Minchinhampton Golf Club, well known in the team as one of the best breakfast venues on the fixture list. Second year physicist, and surprisingly vegetarian, Ed Jenks was seen to be sweating on the arrival of the first few plates, which featured a healthy serving of red meat and black pudding. Given the presence of both the President of Minchinhampton, and the President’s brother, the kitchen were eager not to disappoint the guests, which saw Jenks receive four hash browns instead. Rumours suggest Bastianello was in fact tucking into five back in Oxford.
After an intimidating face off over the empty plates, the Minchinhampton team despatched their fleet of robotic GPS trolleys and the matches were underway. The Jenks/Woolsey pairing fired off first, followed quickly by two big shouts of fore and a wander down the embankment to see the balls land nicely down the 18th fairway. ‘Thoughts on that line?’
The four ball format seemed to suit the Oxford team, who managed to clinch the match 3-2. Thanks to Trevor, their non playing captain, the players were kept well informed throughout the day and were able to enjoy a fourth handshake at the end of their matches.
Ed Jenks/James Woolsey: Loss. But it’s fine because Jenks bombed one 330 down the 12th.
Anton Persson/Moritz Diekgraef: Win. ‘How is this bloke your captain?’ - Moritz Diekgraef
Harry Fitzpatrick/Ben Proos Extremely narrow loss; it was a close match and had a few unlucky breaks. In the end it came down to just a few missed putts, and the local knowledge really helped the members. The members played unbelievable golf with two pars in a row to start the day. It was always going to be tough to come away with a win.
Tim Jukes/Karl Frey: Win. The circumstances on the day were perfect, and Karl was hitting his irons really nicely.
Monty Cooper/Rory Giddins: Win. Arguably Oxford’s two biggest marlins carving out one of the performances of the day.
The final matches trickled into the clubhouse to watch England demolish Samoa in the Autumn internationals, over some very well received sandwiches and chips.
On a high from a big win, the team headed for Burnham on Sea and the Shah curry house. Rumours suggest that the Leatherjackets heard about Jenks’ drive on the 12th earlier that day, and attempted an assassination by hiding chicken in his curry. However, Jenks had previously been backed by the Behmer as an extremely sharp bloke, and was able to uncover the plan.
Full of curry and apparently calorie-free beer, the team returned to the dormy house for the night. Clearly missing his girlfriend, Frey found the closest resemblance in Monty, and proceeded to join him in bed. They claim it was for warmth.
OUGC vs The Leatherjackets at Burnham and Berrow
The fantastic nutrition continued through the morning, with another full english in the Burnham clubhouse. At this point, Anton started to fear that his abs would no longer be visible by the end of the term if he carried on in the same vein.
Wearing every layer they owned, the players waddled to the first tee and floated some questionable tee shots into the wind. The course played fantastically and the team were lucky enough to see it on a sunny, albeit windy, day.
At lunch, a second attempt was made to poison the vegetarian, this time with a much less imaginative salmon fillet. The waitresses almost dropped to their knees in adoration of his superior morals.
Clearly keen to get back out on the course, Anton gave the shortest speech of all time and even managed to avoid mentioning his own golf.
The afternoon pairings featured some repeat match ups, something that is absolutely impossible to avoid and no amount of thought or effort could fix. Oxford managed to prevail 3-2, leaving the score at 5-5 and completing the unbeaten weekend. Obviously realising that he hadn’t reminded the team about just how good he is at golf, our glorious leader assembled an audience for a description of his drive up 18, which only 4 of the other 5 players driving off that tee managed.
Utterly flabbergasted with the story, the team decided that the only option was to leave the club immediately.
Oxford University Golf Club would like to extend its deepest thanks to Minchinhampton Golf Club and Burnham and Berrow Golf Club for a fantastic weekend.