How It Came To Pass
Upon entering the Huntercombe clubhouse on Sunday afternoon having watched Henry Howard-Jenkins miss a crucial to-half-the-match putt I knew something was wrong when Gommers (Montgomery Cooper) was struggling to hold back an ear to ear grin when he heard of my 1dn defeat. I felt not just confident but certain that I was safe sitting on 1 1⁄2 points, all of which had been gathered on Saturday, that the match report would be distributed elsewhere; however, I was disabused of that notion by the aforementioned Gommers.
To the match: Saturday morning will go down in the history books as one of the greatest OUGC performances of all time with no player coming into lunch pointless. My morning started with the company of Carl Rietschel as the anchor pairing. The match by all accounts went well for OUGC with Giddins being educated on all things Cambridge and OUGC winning 2&1. We entered lunch in high spirits with Anton looking confused about the identity of some of his team mates while Remheb Fatsug received a collection of glares from the barman on ordering his seven triple kummels. Karen ‘Ross’ Bali, however, took this to the next level on being advised by said barman that “it was probably time to get back on the golf course” on attempting to follow in Fatsug’s footsteps.
The afternoon singles quickly became a four ball style match. I exited the changing room to see Fatsug bounding over towards me in typical silverback gorilla style to announce that we were teeing off together. In the meantime Nicholson Wells could be seen sweating profusely at the thought of facing the former boxing blue in peak physical condition. Giddins was defending an unbeaten season to date as Fatsug found new and exciting locations on the golf course. Wells, however, dug deep to pull through 3&2 with a clutch 7 on the 16th to grab victory; Giddins quickly followed suit pulling through with the same score line, however, with a birdie four. The highlight of the afternoon singles went to Karl Frey with a left-handed par save to take a commanding 4&3 win; this was closely followed by newcomer Bruce ‘Bruce’ Fitzpatrick with a self-described “stellar” bogeyless performance on the way to a debut singles victory 5&4.
Following a quick turnaround OUGC travelled up north for a dinner at St Hugh’s organisedwith precision by our very own Edward ‘Jenks’ Jenks. Captain Harry Fitzpatrick gave Ross and me a pep talk in the taxi to St Hugh’s, in-between some rather dodgy comments from the driver, reminding us to “laugh extremely hard” at all of his jokes. Rookies Edward‘Sponge’ Springett and Lucas ‘Leuchars’ (the French pronunciation) Moore looking particularly star struck as the evening kicked off with a champagne reception. A deliciousdinner followed with the ‘chat’ table alight with conversation and Larby’s head looking shiny.
The moment everyone had been waiting for had finally arrived: the Captain’s speech. Hopes were high as the captain stood up to dwarf the Ladies’ captain. I would go into great detail about the speech and what followed, but I regret to announce that the proceeding events started to get rather hazy – it was that time of the evening.
The next thing I remember was being seated next to Sausage in a taxi chanting ‘Vinnies,Vinnies’ and ‘pinky, pinky’ with Ross. It was a Saturday evening and there was really only one way the evening was going: Fever. Many pinkies down and with spirits high, the vanguard departed for the famed institution. I had begun the evening perhaps a wee bit apprehensive about attending Fever in tartan trews, however, my confidence was at a high and we ploughed on.
Many of OUGC’s finest were now back in their element. Former tab Sausage was at thisstage struggling and managed to spill several VKs onto a disgruntled Adam Barker; with the latter not expecting a rather sticky shower in the early hours. Rumours have since been flying around the club that Gommers had reunited with Kate and had taken her back to Worchester to hit some more 7 irons. However, accounts differ on this, some believe there was a progression towards the 6 iron; we will never know for sure. Only one thing was certain: it was going to be a difficult Sunday morning!
I woke up surprisingly fresh and stepped out of my bed to discover I was still in full black tie. This in hindsight should have been my first indication that it was going to be a struggle on Sunday. On arriving at Huntercombe my priority switched rapidly towards hydration with all of my four water bottles filled to the brim.
The first tee loomed. A bacon bap forced into an unhappy stomach I found myself standing on the first tee alongside Larby who was looking worrying fresh. With Gommers and Caplan optimistically next to the green we teed off. Relief was a very welcomed emotion when my 9 iron stuck the correct ball out of the nine I could see as I looked down at my ball, however, relief was replaced by amazement when Larby and I discovered that we had both put our tee shots to within a foot! This standard unfortunately didn’t last as Larby played “out of his skin” on his way to pipping the strong OUGC pair 1up.
I would be rude not to spend some time on this subject. Two quotations stuck in the mind from that day. First, on the 8th fairway upon discussing the conditions of the grass with theaforementioned Gommers he proceeded to declare that ‘not even a cow would eat this, not a single blade’. I spent the following seven holes in stiches until Gommers hit me again after striking an iron particularly pure and declaring ‘be good baby’ as it soared into the sky. Thiswas matched perhaps only by Barker reminding me of a previous Gommers quote on the discovery of his 89 yard approach to announce that it was ‘right in the wheel house’.
Lunch and the opportunity for extra hydration was welcomed with open arms at this stage of the day as the hangover started to settle in. With OUGC in the lead the team was full of hope for an early scalp in the season. Rietschel ‘Kreachel’ and I had a disappointing 1dndefeat to round off a personally unsuccessful day in the office.
I would like to end by saying thank you to Huntercombe for hosting the match. Secondly a huge thank you is needed to OCGS for providing a fun and highly competitive side for an excellent weekend. Finally I can happily announce that OUGC finished the weekend on 18 1⁄2 points to OCGS’s 11 1⁄2.